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Login. I am not defective. So, the support will be ongoing throughout the week, not just one hour per week. See more This is unrelated to the painful details youve otherwise stated. One highly important source are any documents, including reports, evaluations, notices, or assessments, that speak to the persons social, emotional, language, and physical growth. In my clinical experience, these unions face a unique set of issues. This drop-in group is a safe space for graduate students and provides support for students seeking community and connection. Thats my clinical opinion and thats what Ive written here. This blog, however, isnt one of them. In my clinical experience, they also often have greater social skills at blending. However, these relationships can also have problems, as you point out. Tapping into your innate Wisdom to answer your most difficult questions about the relationship. Claiming that neurodiverse people are as a whole harmful to be in a relationship with is not only untrue, but ableist. Stress, trauma and repressed emotions have made many of these ladies feel as if they are losing . No one can do a simple task without it being critiqued, commented on and often shouted at. Santa Ana, CA. Cassandra syndrome is an incredibly vague . Nothing was ever spontaneous. Visible Anyone can find this group. Even if I, or the children, were upset there would be no simple hug and concern, he would be annoyed and confused as to why we were upset, especially if we should be doing something else. Donate. He cant cope with any plans being changed, has to organise and control everything and no statement or question can be made without there being the Spanish inquisition into it. Having the diagnosis is a relief for many people. There was also an obvious cause that they and I knew about. They believe that their partner gets off with a much less onerous task. I was particularly appreciative of the compassion that Dr. Roberson shows for the patient with this disorder., This would be a good first book for someone who wants to learn more about Aspergers Syndrome (AS). No longer will they be able to hope to have a satisfying, intimate relationship. In fact, I often find it unhelpful to offer any official diagnosis to the spouses I work with other than to tell them that I think one is neurodiverse. They do not tend to have specific weaknesses in their understanding and use of language. Name last changed on February 14, 2022. The Cassandra Syndrome was coined to describe the difficulty NT partners experience when trying to get acceptance and understanding from their neurodiverse partners, relatives, and therapists. Surprisingly, when friends and acquaintances heard her say this, they acted as if she was describing someone they didnt know. Now I'm positive. I was wondering why even though he is highly intelligent (Yale MBA) he does not seek professional work. In the workplace and in educational settings, a diagnosis of Aspergers can provide access to helpful resources and support that might otherwise not have been available. Thank you so much for this. On the other hand, in combination with other signs of Aspergers, not noticing how people respond in conversations, could be a significant confirmation of an Aspergers diagnosis. It's a task that can be puzzling without a neurodiverse lens. My work is always client focused and I work with individuals, couples, families and companies. minimizing your relationship's emotional and psychological impact. Just as often other people, in researching Aspergers symptoms, believe the person coming to see me has those very characteristics and therefore must have Aspergers. Teach the couple how to relate to one another, and the symptoms recede. A person is diagnosed based on the signs and symptoms he or she has rather than the results of a specific laboratory or other type of test. We both respect and advocate for living and loving in effective neurodiverse relationships and many of us have taken advanced training to be better at doing this. Often shouting as a reaction to something he didnt understand. People with OCD have better social skills, empathy and social give and take than those with Aspergers. They dont gain a great deal of happiness from getting close to people. Yes, but the list is shorter than the list of advantages. --- Recovery from Emotional Deprivation for Neurotypical Partners in Neurodiverse Relationships: https://www.cassandrasyndromerecovery.com/--- Group for ASD. With the knowledge that one has Aspergers, joining a support group, locally or through the Internet can provide a sense of belonging to a distinct and valued culture and enable the person to consult members of the group for advice and support. Stigmatizing and disapproval, based on the knowledge that a person has Aspergers is still prevalent in our society. A woman of strength and conviction, Shelly. NTs are the victim, especially if we were not told of this neurodivergence before marriage. Support groups should not encourage demonizing male partners based on their gender. I then entered into a neurodivergent relationship with both arms open (he's so calm! Clear evidence that these characteristics are not caused by low intelligence or broad, across-the-board delays in overall development. Return to a strong sense of selfand self-esteem. "Mark Hutten's Cassandra Syndrome Recovery Group in September 2021 has been life-changing for me. there was never any asking or awareness that we may be doing something else. Yes he is loyal and hard-working. When she backed out of a deal that she'd made with Greek God Apollo, he was angry. Indeed, they are usually enjoyed. I will not sacrifice myself-worth for peer acceptance. Its his default when he feels out of control. I am different. I will not sacrifice myself-worth for peer acceptance. I am a good and interesting person. I will take pride in myself. I am capable of getting along with society. I will ask for help when I need it. I am a person who is worthy of others respect and acceptance. I will find a career interest that is well suited to my abilities and interests. I will be patient with those who need time to understand me. I am never going to give up on myself. I will accept myself for who I am. Social Anxiety Disorder, also called social phobia, occurs when a person has a fear of social situations that is excessive and unreasonable. Not that ASD is like polio, but as an example of how different situations can bring about different attitudes: Thriving Beyond Cassandra Syndrome Group & Webinar, 6-week group coaching and therapeutic community. Cassandra Syndrome can also cause a neuro-chemical imbalance in the brain. As an adult I suspect this is what my mom has. The phrase, He wears his heart on his sleeve, does not make sense to me. Join our newsletter for the latest articles, news, videos & resource updates. Not how I wanted or needed it to be as a neurotypical person. These women and I still log onto a group video call weekly, and we listen and offer encouragement to each other. They often say things such as. First, I explain that certain characteristics are central to Aspergers syndrome. Lisa's coaching process will help you establish clarity regarding her current relationship. When my stepchildren had tantrums, there were ways to deal with them (tactically and with my own emotional regulation) and predictable courses those tantrums would run. Instead, their future will be filled with loneliness and alienation from others with no expectation of improvement. In Greek mythology, the god Apollo, gave Cassandra the supernatural gift of prophecy as a way of trying to win her affection. Cassandra was a beautiful woman whose beauty seduced Apollo into granting her the gift of prophecy. My grandmother had polio, lost the use of one leg, was kept in bed in a leg cast for a year because that was the prevailing medical advice in the rural Midwest, was fortunate and went to college (govt. The dominate fear associated with social situations is of being closely watched, judged and criticized by others. The difference between these two conditions is that people with Social Anxiety Disorder lack self-confidence and expect rejection if and when they engage with others. Cassandra Syndrome describes a woman who tries to tell others about her life with an autistic partner and is not believed. They may be overly sensitive to one kind of sensation and avoid that persistently. This is truly mind-boggling. Fortunately, more couples therapists are getting trained in identifying neuro-atypicality and learning how to work effectively with neurodiverse couples. I just welled up reading this. Its really inexcusable. Ive begun to expect that wanting to feel cared for, loved, even understood is unrealistic, that Im asking for something I dont deserve to have. Join or Log Into Facebook. They often have an inflated and arrogant view of themselves, and are described as excessively opinionated and cocky. My heart goes out to those who are experiencing the symptoms of Cassandra Syndrome. I really need to work through the issues that coincide with Cassandra Syndrome in order to move forward in my life, Check the therapy board at aane.org. The intimacy between us is getting worse almost non existent. Are there disadvantages to a diagnosis of Aspergers? I run a Cassandra Syndrome support group and give talks and advice to groups and professionals. They frequently lack empathy and tend to be callous, cynical and contemptuous of the feelings, rights and suffering of others. Tutoring reports, evaluations of group activities, personal diaries, family recordings and other such records often provide valuable insights about the likelihood of Aspergers. The wife's friends wonder what about him causes her to me so distressed. There are specific interventions that ease the stress and enhance the bond. These questions help me assess whether the persons attitudes towards life, conduct in relationships, and general success in achieving life goals reveal any of the characteristics that typically are found in people with Aspergers. However, he cursed her with the consequence of no one ever believing her. Most importantly, Aspergers is a form of autism whereas people with SPD have a neurotypical brain and have developed into a personality of extreme introversion and emotional detachment. If you have any questions, please email me: Cassandra Syndrome Recovery Support-Group on Facebook, Decreased interest in sex and physical contact, Desire to oversleep and difficulty staying awake, Disturbed sleep and early morning wakening, Domestic abuse (emotional and/or physical), Extremes of mood and short periods of hypomania (over activity), Feelings of anger, depression and anxiety, Feelings of hopelessness and despair, sometimes apathy and loss of feelings, High relational conflict with the ASD spouse, Irritability and desire to avoid social contact, More vulnerable to infections and other illnesses, Reduced marital or relationship satisfaction. Their conversations have to be generally one-sided. They show little remorse for the consequence of their actions and tend to be indifferent to the hurt they have caused others. They may have preferences for how they handle sensory input like music, touch, sounds, and visual sensations but generally the way they handle these situations is much like other adults. I was in it less than a day because these spouses (married to autistics) are calling them retarded and slamming literally everything about being autistic. Women are relieved, and it reduces the demonization, it doesnt increase it. When they are down, they feel sad, empty, hopeless, worthless and inappropriately guilty. A noticeable characteristic of someone with SPD is their difficulty expressing anger, even when they are directly provoked. FAAAS is basically an anti-Asperger's / Anti-Autistic Hate group camouflaged as a support group. They have little interest in their usual activities, have little appetite, sleep more than usual, are slowed down, have difficulty concentrating and sometimes have suicidal thoughts. Similarly, having a diagnosis of Aspergers may lead others to assume the person will never be able to be as successful in life as neurotypical people. They often say things such as, "Im not the same person I used to be. Neurotypicals (NT) have tossed out the damaging accusations that neuro-atypicals (NA) have no empathy. If not, please consider joining anyway: You can watch the video-recording of the sessions, follow along with the assignments, and message other members as needed anytime you want all of which will be the work needed to heal.First-time members registration fee is $99.00 but only $79.00 thereafter (if you decide to go another round). However, these are two separate issues, and both are true. Discussion forums are free and many support groups are also free. I am also available to consult about this problem. There are good things about him/us, but it's exhausting to do such a large proportion of the emotional labor. Thanks, Maya! There can be a new sense of personal validation and optimism, of not being defective, weird or crazy. Tina, there is an awesome support group on meetup.com I know that it is still online, but it is something. It explains my crushing loneliness and pain and his bafflement and frustration. We will be meeting one hour every week for four weeks, but youre certainly welcome to continue as long as you need to. In contrast, this work teaches each partner to learn how to recognize and show emotions and connections in ways that work for both of them. They readily understand when a statement such as, its raining cats and dogs is being used as a figure of speak and not as a literal statement. I have finally found what I was looking for. But there is also the Cassandra Syndrome or Cassandra affective Disorder (CAD) which is a series of symtpoms that are commonly felt by the N/T person in an Aspergers relationship. These and other symptomsof the Cassandra PhenomenonorCasandra Syndrome were described two decades years ago. Feeling desperate! The REASON for an ASD meltdown is different than the reason for a tantrum, yes And. It was an especial relief to read this quote from Maxine Aston (I'll look into getting her book): "She will be saying things like []He treats me like an object he is obsessed with routine. They may talk a lot and have more one-sided conversations as do adults with ADHD but they do so because lacking an understanding of how the person they are talking to is grasping what they are saying they are, in effect, talking to themselves. no partnership, no communication, no affection, no love at all. I may not realize how something is impacting you, but if you talk about it, I may be able to recognize how it impacts you. So no mention then, of similar distress experienced by a neurotypical man married to a neurodiverse woman ? Your email address will not be published. See if the changes I made fixes it! . They have a very restricted range of emotions, especially when communicating with others and appear to lack a desire for intimacy. Cassandra SyndromeNew Hope for Neurotypical Partner, Neurodivergents and Love: Five Good Reasons to Embrace Neurodiversity. They are hyper-focused rather than unfocused. The topics discussed include the following: Establishing emotional safety within a group, or some other container to establish a sense of belonging and be validated. There are also characteristics that are related to Aspergers but are also shared by other conditions. If your partner with ASD (or Aspergers) does not see his contribution to the relationship problems, and refuses to work on repairing the damage done, then I really want to hear from you! Can adults with Autism Spectrum Disorder change? I appreciated the chance to share my story a little bit during the Skype group video format class time. I will accept myself for who I am. Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and Relationships, Living with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), Assessment of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), Treatment of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). Thanks for looking into this! In addition, whereas Aspergers occurs early in the persons life, OCD develops later in life. She is a Psychologist who had a Asperger's parent. He doesnt believe you are listening to him unless you agree with him. If youre ready to get started, register using the PayPal. I feel very comfortable with dating or being in social situations with others. Cassandra Cowie-Blanger, M.Sc.A RSLP. It is well and good to practice responses and being prepared, but if I am just sitting with him at breakfast and suddenly, his inability to read a timetable so he can figure out whether he's going somewhere tomorrow triggers a meltdown, it's 0 to 60 in less than a minute, without warning. A lot of it was hard because it challenged me to face my negative emotions surrounding my husband being on the autism spectrum. I dont suggest that anyone diagnose anyone else, although that is, unfortunately, what happens not only with the wives but with the therapists these couples seek out. They are the type of person that is others think of as the typical loner.. Cassandra Syndrome is not an accepted psychiatric diagnosis but is a description of a historic pattern of women not being believed. Genetic studies suggest the two disorders share genetic risk factors, and studies of the incidence and distribution of both conditions confirm that many people with Aspergers have symptoms of ADHD and vice versa. I'm starting to thrive. Focusing on one thing for a long time is hard for them. CS the psychological and emotional distress experienced by a neurotypical woman married to a neurodiverse man This article rings true. Cassandra was a princess in Greek mythology. I will describe the types of information that is sought in an assessment for Aspergers and how that information is collected. You. After all, you wouldnt go to the trouble of evaluating whether you have a broken foot if, in the first place, there is absolutely nothing wrong with your foot. Now I have a term to describe my experience. Perhaps you are a spouse wondering if your partner has Aspergers, a friend, acquaintance or colleague of someone you suspect has it, or perhaps you wonder if you might have it yourself. End of. Difficulty interpreting non-verbal communication and subtle aspects of how people relate to each other is characteristic of adults with Aspergers. Nevertheless, attitudes like this can arise when a diagnosis of Aspergers is made public. There is a similar difference with respect to impulsivity. That is not an insurmountable problem. Find a support group for other people who have partners on the spectrum. There was no marriage. This can reach a point where social situations are avoided completely. The label "Asperger's Syndrome" began to be used in 1997 in the USA. Cassandra Syndrome - Zen Mind (partner's/ex of a man with ASD/Asperger's) Public Group | Facebook. This is no way to live life, and a huge shift in dynamics has to happen. Very validating! THIS IS HUGE! I really dont understand this idea that women cant be autistic. The term is derived from Greek mythology. They keep asking me why does he always have to control everything, why does he always tell us off and order us to do things without ever listening to what we really want. Newest Cassandra groups Jakarta Cassandra Users 28 Members Started Nov 22 in Jakarta, Indonesia Houston Cassandra Users 20 Members Started Oct 12 in Houston, USA Chesapeake Java Users Group 34 Members Started Jun 8 in Pasadena, USA Seoul Cassandra Meetup Group 13 Members Started Dec 16 in Seoul, Korea (South) Distributed Data Phoenix 48 Members Can they have intimate relationships & be successful parents? Reading about Aspergers in a book or articles generally makes it seem that Aspergers is a clear cut, well defined and easily identifiable condition. one-on-one support Serving teens adults 18+ grieving families parents Next Steps: Call 410-871-8000 0.35 miles ( serves your local area) 292 Stoner Avenue, Westminster, MD 21157 Closed Today See open hours Sunday: Closed Monday: 6:30 PM - 8:00 PM EDT Tuesday: Closed Wednesday: Closed Thursday: Closed Friday: Closed Saturday: Closed More Info SAD is caused by sunlight deprivation, which will cause a neuro-chemical imbalance in the brain. And, as I warn them, "Each of you will believe that you are doing most of the work.". The families of adults affected by Cassandra Syndrome can also improve and they will be able to parent in an easier way. With this in mind, what is the actual process of finding out whether someone has Aspergers? The results might suggest that it makes sense to investigate further if enough criteria are present to indicate a diagnosis of Aspergers. In contrast, there sits the NA husband, calm, rational, often intelligent, and successful in their career. Just complete our Contact Form to get started. Research has shown growing evidence for a connection between Aspergers and ADHD. Lisa Anzuldua is the author of "I Believe You: Thriving Beyond Cassandra Syndrome". Oh gosh, you are so right! Lots of people dont pay much attention to whether people are listening to them, but that doesnt mean they have Aspergers. People with Schizoid Personality Disorder (SPD) avoid social relationships and prefer to spend time alone. Cassandra syndrome or Cassandra complex is when a person's warning goes unheeded. Cost: We address the ways in which Lisa helps others heal through her support groups, therapy and coaching. Brain imaging and studies of the brain structure show similarities between the two disorders. The first meeting covers general facts about the person, particular those relating to his or her present life. I've found many online articles about how to help an ASD partner deal with his meltdowns, but this is the first one that significantly acknowledges the impact on NT partners and offers greater understanding. A friend recommended joining a support group called Cassandra Support Group (Asperger's Syndrome) on FB as an observer, for the purpose of improving my own relationships. However, I am still pretty traumatised by the marriage that had come to be. Feelings of guilt. Diagnoses are most valid and accurate when they are based on multiple sources of information. Click below to ask a question or schedule an appointment. PARTNERS of Alexithymics face unique challenges that are often misunderstood by others, creating an atmosphere of isolation and loneliness. She is also the founder and president of Couples Therapy Inc. Dr. K feels passionate about couples therapy and sex therapy and holds a deep respect towards those who invest in making their relationship better. Often this gives others the impression that they lack emotion. It is priceless to learn the stories of people who are around the same age as me or older than me with a lot more life experience with marriage to someone on the autism spectrum. What my clients learn is that this difference in how their brains function is wired from birth. Brain scans, blood tests, X-rays and other physical examinations cannot tell whether anyone has Aspergers.
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